The Devil as the Monk Read online

  “Detach from the body....” Like ripping your head off? Like hanging your eyes around your neck? Yuck! They’d probably knock together! But hmm. That’d actually be interesting. Bumpity, bumpity, bump. Would you see waves? Would you--

  3. ‘These legs feel torn apart,’ you say. ‘And that is OK. Just as it’s OK that the sky is blue for now. Both are only temporary. Colors change. And legs eventually get their rest.’

  5. The challenge then becomes about overcoming boredom. For if your consciousness is not fully invested in its sensual body, it will wander.

  Sensual body....

  5. --and everything--

  Sensual body. Mmm.

  5. --that wanders--

  Huh?

  5. --gets lost.

  Oh!

  5. Yes, it gets lost and feels restless to find the way back. So it is that after a while daydreaming, the child eagerly rushes back to his games.

  3. Or the man forgets himself in debauchery.

  1. But if you successfully manage to cultivate focus--

  Who are these people even talking to? What are they even talking about?! Epiphany scratches the back of her neck and takes a look around.

  EPIPHANY. Say, why isn’t he saying anything?

  4. Oh!

  He points to himself.

  4. Who me? I’m just a beginner myself!

  3. And he respects his elders.

  EPIPHANY. No, no. Not him.

  This saddens 4. You can almost hear his heart go, “Oh.”

  EPIPHANY. Him.

  5. He has his own ideas.

  3. Thinks we’ve shoddy thoughts.

  EPIPHANY. Easy to be a critic. OK, then. Let’s hear it. What’s your great religion?

  2. It’s better for you to learn how to focus. Even if it’s wrong, it’ll teach you to be silent: a virtue you desperately need.

  1. He believes more in getting away from the world than trying to live the Truth.

  3. He’s a man-hater, girl.

  2. I don’t hate men. Shut up.

  EPIPHANY. You sure play the part well!

  2. I’m starting to think I hate women, though.

  But enough of all this silliness. It’s time to start the girl’s initiation in earnest.

  1. Girl, I want you to sit on the ground and visualize a pure, white sphere.

  EPIPHANY. I don’t know about all of that.... Umm...what gods do you believe in? Let’s start there before any of this sphere business.

  3. We believe in the Living God.

  2. They believe that paradise is a perspective. Ha! Tell that to the leopard’s victim as it bleeds from the neck.

  5. Do as you are told, you saucy girl. You are too insolent. You wish to be a monk--

 

  Epiphany thinks to herself, actually, I wish to be exempt from taxes!

  5. --but you don’t wish to listen. Go on! Do as you’re told! Imagine a white sphere.

  But she’s too distracted for any of that. She points at 4.

  EPIPHANY. Imagine you’re at a store.

  4. OK!

  EPIPHANY. Imagine that instead of clearly displaying all of the items, though, the storeowners decide it’s best to hide everything in black bags.

  4. Hmmm.

  EPIPHANY. Hmm, indeed. Now imagine if you were forced to buy something. Forced! You had to!

  She points rather aggressively at 4.

  4. ...oh! Yes! Forced!

  EPIPHANY. You’d feel apprehensive, wouldn’t you? Not knowing what anything is? Especially if you only had some limited funds.

  4. This is true.

  EPIPHANY. Well nothing’s more limited than life. I don’t have many years to waste on a mystery. I need to know before I start--

  4. What it’s like to finish?

  EPIPHANY. Sure. Even just a hint is all I need.

  4. But that’s corrupted thinking.

  1. Good.

  4. You can’t possibly finish.

  EPIPHANY. Well, then I can’t possibly start.

  Hmm. Perhaps it was a mistake coming here.

  3. You’re thinking of squirreling out a truth or two.

  EPIPHANY. Sure. Maybe even three.

  3. But that’s just not how it works. You must live the truth, girl. Just as you must sprint to run. We can’t possibly transfer over such a sensation; we can’t use your feet for you. But we can teach you how to properly jog. And day by day, we can help you build better and better form.

  2. Ha! Convenient beliefs for those who can’t provide any answers.

  5. You weren’t quite so mouthy before, you know.

  3. Are you interested in impressing someone? Has your pride been re-inflamed?

  3 smirks and taps his chest. He’s simulating a fluttering heart.

  2. Do you know what pride is, you little fool?

  3. What? What’s pride? You tell me.

  2. It’s always insisting on being so holy.

  5. Come on now!

  2. It’s counting how many days you’ve been good. It’s holding your head up high because you starve. Well humility is knowing one is base.

  1. One isn’t base, though. Being a scoundrel is a choice.

  2. One is always base. No matter how much one tries, one can never purify one’s nature. Humility is realizing that there is always the need to repent.

  “One, one, one!” Hee-hee. These people are funny. “One must blah! One most blee!” Epiphany feels like bringing two up, but she doesn’t. One must be respectful.

  1. You’re sounding dogmatic.

  2. Losing virtue’s nothing to get in a fuss about. Humility knows that. There’s no difference between ten years of temperance and one damned day of it. It’s almost even better to have recently failed. The arrogant fool going a decade strong--he might secretly think he’s mastered the universe. Well fuck that. Fuck that guy. He needs to die.

  3. So what do you suggest? We all commit ourselves to barbarism? All so we can express remorse better?

  2. I’m saying it’s not so bad to fall every once in a while. There’s no top to the mountain life.

  1. But if you keep climbing, you’ll be higher than you were yesterday.

  5. That’s right.

  2. And who’s keeping track of that? Your pride. Come on now. It’s not so shameful to be a human being every once in a while.

  EPIPHANY. Whoa there, cowboy!

  2. ...it’s ALWAYS shameful!

  EPIPHANY. Hey!

  She pushes 2 off and wipes her lips.

  4 tries to pounce on 2, but he is stopped by 3.

  3. Enough! Enough!

  There is an embarrassed silence among all of them. Despite 2 being 2, the rest of the monk’s can’t help but feel responsible for his actions.

  3. ...We need to separate you two.

 

  He takes Epiphany’s hand and pulls her away.

  3. Girl, you’re obviously too tempting for this man.

  2. Bullshit.

  Epiphany wants to say something, but this is such a shock.

  EPIPHANY. ...

 

  All of the monks look at each other. They don’t know what to say. What’s gotten into 2? Is this the reason he took to the mountains?

  5. ...We’ll take you to your quarters.

  He looks around at the others for approval. The consensus is “shrug.”

  5. If you wish to start despite all this, get up before the dawn.

  EPIPHANY. I--

  3. But only if you’re willing to obey!

  3 looks around. There are some scowls.

  What? He can’t help it. Being a monk is being a monk.

 

  1. Think about everything we’ve said. I hope you consider staying.

  Epiphany is still too shocked to say much of anything. 3 leads her away.

  2. How does it feel to know never in this lifetime? Well I just did.

  4. The r
eward--

  2. There is no reward. Not here, not ever. Might as well take what you want! I do what I do without thoughts of rewards. I’m a monk without an empty promise keeping me honest.

  1. A lie can build a substantial person. A person of true character. And yet, what do your uncompromising values create but a hollow man? The prideful one is you.

  2. Bah! Fuck off. I don’t want to be pestered tonight. Not with any of this nonsense, I don’t.

  3. Expect him to be gone by morning.

  5. Good riddance!

  SCENE 3 - 3’S (TEMPORARY) LIVING QUARTERS

  “Living quarters.” Eh. That’s a suspect term for this place. “Living quarters” makes it sound like it could be something of a hotel room, mini-fridge and ice buckets.

  It’s more of a dilapidated shed, actually.

  And it’s not very much 3’s, either--so as not to get too attached to one place, the monks move from hut to little hut.

  Don’t expect to find anything personal adorning the walls. No posters or trinkets from home. No drawings or sweet, inspiring quotes. “The only way to achieve your goals is by daring to dream!” No, none of that. All living quarters are austere living quarters.

  But enough, enough. None of that matters. Not right now it doesn’t. There are urgent matters to attend to.

  3 has gone off to get some help.

  Even if he lived in a grand palace, 3 would have rushed to get some help.

  Because after a night of sleeping on the straw floor, Epiphany has begun to suffer from convulsive shakes.

  She’s sitting slumped against the wall, eyes staring ‘up.’

  Hmm. ‘Up,’ ‘up,’ ‘up.’ Hmm.

 

  It’s not really ‘up,’ is it? It’s more so ‘beyond.’

  Yes. ‘Beyond.’ That’s a much better word for it!

  5. But she looks fine!

  3. Fine enough now. But you should have seen her earlier.

  1. You said she was grunting?

  3. And thrashing about. As though she was being burnt from the inside.

  5. Did you do anything to her?

  3. No. She actually woke me up.

  1. Boy, go and check her pulse.

  5. She’s not really breathing is she?

  3. What is she looking at?

  4. Owww! She’s hot!

  3. After all the exertion, she must have gotten sick.

  4. No, no. She doesn’t feel warm like that. She’s more of a furnace! Look! It’s like I touched a pot of boiling water.

  5. We’re missing a monk.

  They all know who he’s talking about.

  1. He wasn’t in his room this morning. I checked.

  5. Ah. Just as I expected. That’s too bad.

  3. Indeed. Our pessimist! Our rational man! Our man of science! Too good for spirituality now.

  1. I think this is beyond science. Look!

  A beam of light strikes down on Epiphany. She immediately assumes an erect posture. In fact, she looks just about ready to shoot up into the air.

 

  Just as everyone gasps, 2 walks into the scene.

  2. I was going to leave, too, without saying a word to any of you. But I came all the way back--two hours!--to tell you to your faces what I think. After so many years of holding it in, I would have regretted keeping quiet.

  1. Look!

  1 points right past 2.

  But no. That wouldn’t be so insulting, actually.

  It’s more like 1 points right through 2.

  2. Huh?

  He looks behind him and sees Epiphany hogging the spotlight. This, of course, infuriates him. His one big moment and--!

  3. --what do you think it is?

  4. It’s almost like she’s floating!

  5. Are her legs touching the ground?

  1. I don’t believe my eyes.

  3. What is it?

  Enough! Enough! What is this joke? 2 moves a little closer.

  2. Aaah!

  5. Don’t!

  2 thrashes about.

  2. It burns! Don’t get around her! It burns!

  He wishes he could get some ointment.

  So much for detaching from your “sensual body.” So much for ignoring pain! But 2 was never one much for that anyway.

  4. What do you think it is?

  1. It can’t be a natural phenomenon.

  3. Why do you say that?

  1. The roof would have burnt down by now.

  4. And it’s not really coming through the roof, is it?

  The monks stare at the light as long as they can. But it’s bright, bright, and harsh on the eyes.

  3. Do you hear that?

  4. What--

  3. --sshhht!

  The sound starts innocent enough: low and barely imperceptible. Nnnnnnnnnn. Nnnnnnnn. Like a soothing vibration.

  5. A strange humming!

  As the seconds tick on, though, the humming grows stronger and stronger and increasingly unbearable.

  Eventually, 1 feels compelled to plug his ears.

  1. Oh! It’s a dreadful sound.

  It’s a flood of noise and the dam of his hands won’t suffice.

  4. I don’t really hear it, though.

  2. Nor do I.

  3. I hear it faintly.

  1. It’s torture to my ears! Make it stop, make it stop!

  The sound grows ever stronger. Nnnnnnnnn. Nnnnnn.

  It gets so overwhelming, the old monk is sure he’ll eventually go deaf from it.

  But he can’t wait for “eventually.” He wants to go deaf now. Right now. He wants to rip his ears off!

  Nnnnnnn. Nnnnn.

  1. Ah! Ah! My ears! My head!

  It grows to a crescendo.

  1. Ah! Ah!

  3. Yes! Mine too!

  5. And mine!

  The old man collapses.

  4. Oh!

  The other monks are in too much pain to really notice.

  2. --what?!

  Suddenly, the sound stops.

  3. Oh! It’s...gone!

  5. Done!

  3. What a relief!

  1. ...yes. Relief.

  4 goes over to help the old man up, but he insists on getting up himself.